Facing A Transition

      I just want you all to know that in times like these, my blog gets deep. Like REAL deep. And I don't care who sees because as I said before, I am transitioning into a new person and I will be raw with my emotions. I will be real with my feelings. And my heart, mind, and soul will all be exposed.

     I hate the days where I'm constantly questioning myself. Who am I? What do I want with my life? I think many people struggle with identity crisis's all throughout their lives and I'm only a small percentage of the population. It's like this: I once described myself as a parallel. I am a parallel person who experiences life through the lens and the beat of my heart. I know, it doesn't make sense to you. But let me explain further... When I pick up my camera and I take those photos, those are my memories. Because you can sure as hell know that I'm not going to remember something like this with my type of brain. My brain soaks up EVERYTHING. From smells, to sights, to the sound of people's voices... It's like a sponge. But it leaks out at the end of the day. So there. That's that. When I look at things I feel as if these memories are going to matter one day, as if they are already being written down in a book of my life, written by some foreign stranger whom I don't know nor will I ever know. But he knows me. And he's showing the world who I am.

      The beat of my heart controls the other side of my parallel personality. I'm going through this change that I can't quite put my finger on, and in some ways it scares me because I've never felt so powerful before as I do now. I feel brave. I feel strong. I feel fearless. Part of me wants to run away to Alaska, waitress in a diner and document my carefree life. Part of me wants to run away to California, try my luck in stardom. Part of me wants to work in New York and run a large business. And part of me wants to stay here, in my own comfort and solitude and enjoy my time doing nothing. But no. This is not who I am. Although I am a dreamer and a wisher, I am a logical thinker. I know what is best for me and as of right now I am sticking to it. Until God steers me into a different direction directly, then I will really know what I want out of this life.

     But I think first and foremost I need to make a bucket list. Because the new me is tired of being afraid of life's struggles, the new me wants to take these struggles and overcome them the way they've never been overcome before. I want to be fearless.

(In memory of my kitty whom I can't find. She ran away and I'm praying and hoping she will come back.)

Much love,

Kenzie