It's been almost three months on my own and they honestly feel like the longest three months of my life. I thought by leaving and starting over I would be happy but I find myself in a continuous rut, it's the same problems that follow me, just a different place. I can't put my finger on why I've been so down, the only solution is that I long to see a familiar face around here. It's been a struggle for me to make very many friends here because I have been
so busy with my classes. I'm scared if I will even pass math, I hate it so much, but I'm determined to keep trying. Everyone has been telling me the first year is the hardest and I hope that they are right. Before I came here I imagined my life as being full of fun and new adventure, finding friends with similar interests, excelling in my classes, working out all the time, and just being all around fabulous. But that is not the case at all. Instead I've found myself drowning in school work, no time management skills whatsoever, constantly missing my family and my boyfriend, feeling heartache because people are all the same wherever I go, and the walls of my dorm are literally closing in on me. I don't know what to do. I'm so used to seeing someone I know everyday, and then I go to not knowing anyone, spending weekends alone, with nothing to do in this tiny room.
I keep thinking to myself that maybe I will be happier if I move into an apartment, but then what? I will really be alone. Sammy is only home every other week. At least here I can access the campus facilities simply by walking, if I got an apartment I'd have to find some way of transportation to the campus. I just can't put my finger on my wants right now or even my needs. I feel trapped... I'm having second thoughts on the the things that I was so set on only a few months ago. Now, I'm not even sure what I should do.
Advice would be greatly appreciated,
Kenzie.
