Here.
In this place. In your words and your space. You can be anyone you want to be,
you can be the someone you've dreamt to be. As time passes and I grow
older, I have become more in control of my emotions and feelings. I have become
used to the idea that people in life do leave you. Because I have been and
will continuously be let down throughout my life. Through this
awareness, I have abandoned the fear that comes with others being unhappy with
who I am. But I think that one thing that does become difficult for me to do
daily is to express my true and accurate feelings without them running into a
blunt and oh so sudden wall. I know I don't write much on here, as some of my
writings and open thoughts tend to get me in trouble at times, but I have come
to the conclusion that if I don't just blatantly say it then I have failed
myself. Because as 2013 approached one of my yearly goals was to be honest in
all that I do. And at times, I feel like I have failed that part of my resolution.
And to be quite frank with you, I am tired of failing. I'm done being a loser;
I chose to be done with that a long time ago during youth. Although, not just a
loser in the aspect of bad luck, but a loser in the sense of choice. I am no
longer “a choose to be loser” per say, but instead I am a woman of (yes I say
woman as I am quickly approaching 20, which still sounds and feels foreign) of
accomplishment. Yes. Accomplishment.
This word feels so much more warm and close to me rather than anything else. So
instead of hiding behind nice words and trying to please others around me as to
not offend anyone, I’m done. I can still be an accomplished, kind, giving and
spiritual person without sacrificing my beliefs to please other people. I have
been laughed at and called crazy for some of the thoughts that I bring to the
table, but I have also been rewarded and connected to others through those very
same thoughts. So judge me.
I'm babbling.
With love,
Kenzie